Sunday, July 17, 2005
just feel like blogging out some of the thoughts that ran through my mind today. went passed lots of bungalows along the way to media corp. they were majestic! yah. majestic's the word for those houses. i cannot believe how grand these houses can get. i remembered, there was this unit, which had a building of at least 4 storeys! there were all those winding staircases all over. one of the main building material was glass. which was part of the reason why the whole building had looked so magnificent! it was a scene which is only valid in fairy tales. the whole scenerio looks like some part out of [beauty and the beast].
i just couldn't take my eyes off that house.
a small voice in my head told myself that i'll give anything to live in a house like that. well. perhaps not everything. not my family, not my friends and not myself. other than that, anything, i could give anything to live in there.
its too much like a dream. a dream that hit me so severely, i started thinking. how does it feels like living in such a beautiful house? how does it feel like being rich? i wonder.
at this point of time, i cant help feeling envious of rich people. i know this shouldn't be the way to think. i'm not supposed to feel this way either. i'm supposed to feel contented for what i have. my family was considered an average. i had never gone hungry or what in this lifetime. and that was enough reason for me to feel happy. but why! i just have this undesirable thought: why isn't my family rich? if my family was filthy rich, i could have gotten everything i want! i would have lived in a ultra majestic house. i would have maids to serve me. i would have enjoyed life to the max! i would be treated like a princess! i could have gotten a car as a present on my 18th birthday!
but why isn't things as desired?? =(
***
once again, apologetic thoughts ran across my mind. why wasn't i contented with my life?! i'm sure my family did their best to provide for me. i hate myself. why do i have to think this way?! why cant i just be contented with what i have now?!
it remains a mystery to me...
..xin fu cong lai dou bu xu yuan wo` ;
